CALIFORNIA – PERFECT

by Rose Elder

I love Mother’s Day, it’s the one day of the year I don’t feel bad about sleeping in while Adam entertains the boys.

We all tend to say “This is the best day of my life.” Well, I’ve had two best days of my life: The days I gave birth to each of my boys. It is hard to explain the intense happiness I felt when I held them in my arms for the first time. That is one thing I will miss about being pregnant. Expecting to meet this little human that will make me love in ways I didn’t think I was able to. I am not saying this is how all mothers feel, that is just how I felt.

The feelings I had when I became a mother were overwhelming. I expected to be in love with my baby, but I had no idea how much love I was going to feel. Before becoming a mom I swore that when I had kids I would be super relaxed and easygoing. I never thought I would be the mother that couldn’t step away from her child. I was, and still am, devoted to my sons and I am very apprehensive. To this day, I have never been away from them for one full day.

Each of my experiences as a mother of two boys have been infinitely different. People talk about having a boy or a girl, when in reality each person is a different individual. Each child is a completely different ballgame. Both boys have taught me more than I can ever teach them, a secret rarely talked about by parents.

Alexander, my firstborn, has always been an eager little boy. He was rolling at six weeks and eating solid foods by 5 months old. He crawled the day he turned 6 months and walked by 10. Completely bilingual by 2 years old. Some of my friends’ kids were not even rolling over when Alexander was about to walk, and a small part of me might have judged them. “Are they not stimulating their kid?” “They must just leave their child in the baby bassinet all day.” Well, I was completely wrong and ignorant.

Then came baby Nicholas. Even with my “perfect parenting” he started rolling at 8 months old. He finally started eating solids at 10 months old, when most kids start around 5-6 months. He had to go to physical therapy and lots and lots of stimulation to get him to crawl at 11 months. He was 19 months old when he decided he was ready to walk. Currently he has speech therapy twice a week. He likes to take his time with each and every milestone, he has a laid-back personality. So I judge NO MORE! I am so much more humble now. Basically my now two-year-old taught me about humility.

When you hear that each kid develops on their on time, believe it.

Each of my kids has taught me so much. Alexander is this smart and curious little kid. When he was about 24 months old I saw him staring at the sky. I asked him what he was doing, he said “Mommy, as hard as I stare, I can’t see the earth spinning.” He has always been so curious about space and the planets.

He was reading the alphabet by his second birthday, he gets excited about letters and numbers. He loves to build with legos and Magna-Tiles, and he is a master on the scooter.

Adam and I made this little wondrous kid!

Alexander taught be how to be a kid again. We sit for hours building with legos together and my imagination has led to me creating really cool stuff with him. I started buying science books to learn along with him and to be able to answer most of his questions, although I still say to him “Ask Daddy” quite often. He made me realize how fun boys are.

He also tells me the sweetest things. One day he looks at me with worry. “What’s wrong Alexander?” “Mommy, I have a problem, I have so much love for you that it doesn’t fit inside me.” TRUE STORY. Those are the little moments that make every sleepless night, every extra effort, every sacrifice worth it.

Then comes Nicholas, this cuddly loving little person. He just wants to lie on me and sniff me, he must like my scent. He is a master of throwing and kicking a ball. He mimics every little thing his older brother does. Nicholas is a calming soul. He is not interested in building or figuring how things work as much as his brother, he just wants to be outside. He likes to dig and to feel the breeze. He likes to see how the bubbles pop when they touch the ground. He takes his time doing projects and he will do them right.

If he goes downstairs to get a snack he will bring one upstairs for his big brother. But if Alexander wants to take a toy from him, he will fight him off. He has so much fight in him that I am not worried about him surviving in this big world.

Nicholas is everything I am not. I so wish I was more like him.

When I started raising each of my sons I constantly questioned myself. Am I doing this right? Should I do this instead? I read books, so many books. I got solicited and unsolicited advice everywhere. Then, one day, I realized that I am raising good little boys. Good people. And it’s so rewarding. I pretty much just had to be here for them. Be present and mindful.

When I pick-up Alexander from preschool and I see him playing with his group of friends having fun and being goofy, my heart fills with joy. I love how self confident he is around them. Every time I pick him up from school his teacher says that he is very smart. “You must read with him a lot and teach him at home, right?” All the nights reading to the boys, all the dedication and love, all the time put into being with them and teaching them is working!

My kids are not perfect. Alexander can’t sit still, he doesn’t listen and he will get jealous if I make any differences between him or his brother. If I serve Nicholas breakfast first, he will complain. And Nicholas is very needy sometimes, and just wants to be in my arms. He will have a morning here and there were he cries constantly. But honestly, I am having a hard time making a list of negative things about them. I am just so in love with my boys. The truth is, I think they are pretty amazing.

Happy Mother’s Day mamas!