CALIFORNIA – PERFECT

by Rose Elder

Marrying the right person is a wonderful feeling. When I was newly married life was great. I mean, PERFECT. Adam and I rented a little apartment in Bankers Hill in San Diego. It was small but so stylish. Old hardwood floors, high ceilings and lots and lots of windows.

Adam had just gotten a new job that paid twice as much as he used to make. I also got a new job that paid well. We just needed Adam’s income to survive so we decided to save mine for the time we decided to have kids. My job had crazy hours so I knew I wasn’t going to be able keep working once we decided to start a family. I arrived most nights around 10 pm, cook from scratch a nice meal for two, and then we would watch our favorite show together while holding a glass of Maker’s with a large ice cube in it. We were happy, so happy. We would have dinner out a couple of nights a week until we were pretty much kicked out of the restaurant. We talked and talked and had so many laughs.

When we first got married we decided that we would start trying for kids after two years. Two years were closing up so we decided to go to Europe for two weeks for our farewell as a childless couple. I close my eyes and still remember what a great time that was. One week in London and then one week in Paris. On our flight back home, little did I know that Alexander was growing inside me.

The pregnancy was close to awful. I had to be medicated (which now I deeply regret) to be able to go to work. The nausea was constant. It wasn’t only morning sickness, it was constant from week 5 to week 20. My last day at work was May 13th and Alexander arrived the first day of June.

I’m not sure I could ever describe the insane joy that I felt when I held him in my arms after a pretty easy natural delivery. He filled my heart completely. So much that there was only space for him at that moment. I just wanted to hold him and kiss him and tend to him.

The first four months were very hard. Alexander had colic and he would cry days on end. I was a naive first time mom and instead of being proactive about avoiding certain foods, I just held him so he would keep quiet. I held him even during his naps. We realized pretty quickly that our life wouldn’t be the same, at least not for a while.

I had no time to cuddle with Adam or make dinners from scratch with a smile on my face. I was overwhelmed, exhausted and with no family around to help. I felt alone and desperate. Adam would leave at 8:30am and come back by 7:00pm from work. By the time he got home I just wanted to cry and pass out. I would handle him a screaming newborn because I couldn’t deal anymore.

When Alexander turned 20 months we were starting to see the light of day. We had purchased the house of our dreams and Alexander had grown into this sweet and funny little guy. We had a yard he could run around in and channel some of his copious energy. Life was starting to be good again.

My parents came for a visit and my dad asked me to take him to the pharmacy to get a couple of things he needed. As I walked the pharmacy by the pregnancy test section, I realized that I had been falling asleep everywhere, and that I felt tired all the time. I got a pregnancy test just to make sure I wasn’t pregnant. But I was, I was pregnant!

Adam was astounded and in shock when I first told him we were expecting a second child. But we were so excited Alexander would have a younger brother or sister so close in age. They would be 2 and a half years apart. He would finally have a play buddy! We were getting tired of playing with him ALL THE TIME.

The pregnancy was worse than the first. I was in so much pain I had to lie down most of the time. Adam and Alexander became best buddies. I almost felt like an outsider. I missed my boy.

Alexander wasn’t too happy about having a baby brother. He was so mad and upset at me when Nicholas was born. He wouldn’t even let me in his room! What had we done?

Now Alexander is almost five and Nicholas 2.5 years old. We are seeing the light again. Life is finally getting easier. The boys adore each other and have the best time. They don’t really fight much. Adam and I are finally able to go out on date nights again. We are not as tired as we used to be by the end of the day, so we are starting to converse again with that glass of Makers.

It was a long process. Being parents of two kids is not a walk in the park. It is hard work and it takes a big toll in your marriage. But we have learned to love each other in a different way because both of us are completely in love with our two boys. We have realized we have very similar parenting ways and goals. We try to support each other when one of us has lost it for the day. When one of us is moody the other one steps up to the challenge.

One day these two wonderful boys will leave to make a life of their own. As I type this my heart aches and I’m getting teary eyed. But I’m looking forward to traveling to London and Paris with Adam again. I’m looking forward to many more adventures we will experience as a couple. But for now, we support each other as much as possible to make it through the day. I am not saying we are the perfect couple or that we don’t have disagreements, we do. But after we figure it out, we are stronger and a better couple for it.

The ONE thing no one told me when I got pregnant the first time is that my heart was never going to be mine again. That it would be taken out from my chest and a little baby, then toddler, then little boy would carry it around. So yes, life changes, and I’m reminiscent about those two years Adam and I spent together before Alexander and Nicholas came along. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.